How Worthy? - Part 3

 

The sound of a blaring horn in the front yard woke me up. It was 7:45 am, and I still lay cuddled up in my purple blanket; I slept for longer hours on days I wrapped myself in it so I always used it on Friday nights. I didn't work on Saturdays to cover up for the sleep I missed on workdays. I wondered whose horn was blaring that loud.

 

Funmi was already cleaning the house. She wore her beige baggy shorts and a loose grey polo shirt, her black air pod in her left ear. She danced to the song she was listening to as she cleaned. On days like this, it felt therapeutic just watching her; she had this firm strength that was so easy to see. I smiled lazily. Funmi was such a special gift of God to me.

 

I just lay there beaming in smiles until she went outside our apartment and shouted Jide. I jolted out of my thoughts, Jidenna was here as he told me yesterday. I had totally forgotten.

It wasn't even 8 am yet and I wondered why he didn't wait till midday. I would have had time to have a good bath and make up my face. I still covered the blotches of Vitiligo close to my lips sometimes with my brown powder.

Last night, I felt so angry that I scrubbed the sponge so hard on my skin that I feared my skin would start to peel off.

I felt palpitations in my heart as Jide’s voice rang in the sitting room with Funmi's. I went into the bathroom to brush my mouth and wash my face and grabbed my purple flowery cotton gown from the hanger.  I wore it every week, and once, Funmi had hidden it in her box to make me forget it but I still remembered. She gave up fighting why I would choose to wear a particular cloth once every week after that event.

Purple was my favorite color because Mama had told me when I was nine years old that it signified royalty. I liked the idea of being a princess so I chose purple as my favorite color.

 

Jidenna sat on the ash single sofa in the sitting room, engrossed in his phone. I sat facing him so that he could have a good view of the Vitiligo on my face and legs because when he spoke on the phone, he made it sound so easy. I was the one who battled with so many questions from different people each day. And because they were questions I hated to answer, they made me irritated and rude.

He smiled broadly as soon as I sat down. “My Ify, I trust you rested well last night,” he said.

I wanted to say something but it stuck in my throat. I swallowed hard. He came to sit beside me and pulled me into his embrace. I felt the tears welling up in my throat but he started talking about how God had made every human being in his beautiful image.

 

“Are you going to throw yourself away like a discarded bin, Ifeyinwa?” His face was firm and I nodded in disapproval.

Let me read you Song of Songs 4:7 from the Bible, “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”

“No flaw?” I asked.

“Yes, and I mean it.”

He was serious and I knew he meant it. I wanted to agree with his idea but it felt false so I just stared at him. He started to talk. At first, I didn't want to hear what he said but when he said God had loved me so much to have given up his only son to be stripped off his clothes, brutally flogged and nailed to a cross all for me, the tears flowed freely.

Before Jidenna left our house, it was already past midday and I had made peace with myself.

 

Funmi and I made some egusi soup and eba for him. I had so much relief and peace that I can't describe and when I strolled with Funmi to the Mallam’s store on our street to buy some sweet spicy suya that evening, I wasn’t ashamed.

Jidenna's voice still rang in my ears, “you're more than your scars, Ify.”  And that, I totally agree with.

In the coming days, I felt comfortable wearing my engagement ring again. I told Jidenna we could proceed with our initial plans of meeting my parents in the coming month. I no longer debate whether I'm beautiful or not. I am made in the creator's image.

That night, I scribbled this verse on my sticky notepad and put it up on the wardrobe door.

 

Peter 3:3-4. “Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.”

 

As I turned from the wardrobe, I saw Funmi behind me holding out her hands and smiling broadly. God is a good God and I was beyond my scars.

May you find that one with the peaceful assurance of true love.

From: The Journey of a Waiting Girl Series

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