Fears - Part 2


 


“If you're still searching for love, stop and do this right away!” 

I raised my head to see who had spoken. I wanted to see what he had said we should do but perhaps I hadn't raised my head fast enough.

The speaker was a tall, dark-skinned guy. And maybe like the kind of guys Temi described as handsome with a chagrin.

Once, I had turned down a relationship offer from a guy in our church and Temi held my face in her hands when I told her, and rubbed my eyes. She didn't  understand why I didn't even want to know the guy.

These your eyes don't see clearly, she said.

I bursted into laughter but she didn't laugh.

 You said no to that guy blatantly, she still told me over dinner two hours later that day, her eyes far away, her mouth munching a spoonful of bland rice I had cooked that evening. 

I wanted to  change the topic and tell her sorry that the rice didn't taste as sweet as the smoky jollof I had cooked the day before but the words got stuck in my throat.



I didn't see Temi walk towards me because my attention was on the speaker.

The meeting had ended and a girl was standing at the podium telling everyone to help in arranging everywhere so that everyone would leave at the same time.

I didn't realize how rapt my attention was until I felt someone stroke my shoulders. It was Temi.

“I'm glad you enjoyed it,” she said.

I laughed. “You didn't even ask me if I did, Temi. You're making assumptions again today,” I told her smiling.

“Come, let's help to clear up,” she said, gently helping me up.

“Thanks for inviting me here, it was worthwhile,” I told Temi, smiling.


Our flat was peaceful in the weeks that followed. I started to water the natural flower pot on the balcony every morning and evening. Yesterday evening, I didn't see Temi sneak up close to me to just watch me water the flowers. 

I saw her eyes when I turned. She smiled at first and then broke out in a deep belly laugh.

“Kosi, see how beautiful the flowers are now because of  your love pursuit.”

I smiled. I liked that I could laugh about sensitive topics like that. I would have worried about being subtly called old if anyone had told me that before.

“Anyways, I just finished making the sweetest jollof rice you've ever eaten,” she said.

“Thank you,” I said lightly. I didn't want to deviate so much from my meditation.

Temi put in more energy into making dishes than I did and her dishes were always palatable.

I used to joke about her being a homely girl and wife material until I became so conscious of my singlehood that saying things like that became constant reminders that I was still looking for love at 33.


The tall, dark first speaker at Temi’s meeting whose voice reminded me that I was looking for love when he had said, if you're looking for love, stop and do this right away rang in my head frequently.

These days, I remember how I wrote it off as cliché when he had said that until he started explaining.

Love God.

Love yourself.

Find peace in the beauty of nature.

It didn't make sense when he said the best way to stop looking for love was to stop looking and start giving love. I had wondered if he knew what he was saying at all.


Yesterday, I felt a strong sense of peace as I watered the flowers. I stopped midway and just smiled. Watering the plants, going for evening walks connected me to nature and reminded me that I was still alive.And like that first speaker had said, that in itself was love and had made me self-aware.


At work today, while scrolling through some pictures on my phone, I thought that today is another day to know that God loves me and wants me to build an intimate relationship with him.

I was eating at the canteen at work yesterday when Nnenna walked in carrying my lunch pack. 

She sat beside me looking at me.

I smiled.

Kosi, I don't understand your calmness about everything in the past weeks, give me the gist naa, she said.

I burst into a throaty laughter.

I placed my right hand on her arm as she opened her food.

Let's just say I overcame my fears, Nnenna.

“God's peace did it”, I said, smiling.



From: The Journey of a Waiting Girl Series

#ThrivingWhileWaiting #TheJourney #TheJourneyOfAWaitingGirl #thejourneyisthedestination💗


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